Possibility Impulse

My deal?
for the possibility of a thing
because I want it so bad
I want change now
why face what I’ve done
the mess I’ve made
the tests that I struggle through
I’m sincere
but fail to trust myself
my past accuses me
my present condemns me
and freedom always escapes me
Yet I still want
my dreams
the ministry
I do not will out of destiny
it’s not my will actually
not being able to place my finger on it
leaves me undecided
the Word says that “a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways”
there are three distinct voices in my head
telling me to go ahead
telling me to do it
telling me to not
I pause
and question God, myself
and the three
with me since way back when I could first remember
I doubted myself when I thought I was right about
about my life
I was not in control of what happened to me
or him
or her
but now I don’t cry about me or what could have been
because he’s dead
she might be
and I, well
alive and I can be who I want to be
stand by it without a doubt
if I can get to the place of decisiveness
by the end of this year, the ten second countdown
will lead me to a new year of
no doubt
no impulse even for the possibility of that thing
called freedom of choice
my choice to slow down
and be still. 12.26.16

If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

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