Today my childhood molester died 

surprisingly I cried

30 years since he was caught
7 years since his Coney Island apology
He was glad to see that I had a family 
more importantly a husband  because he figured he had ruined me for both
This man thought he had that much power over my life?
And he did
Subconsciously I had allowed him along with an absent father to drill a hole in me that I needed to fill with 
chronic promiscuity 
meaningless relationships and a 16 year marriage to a drug addict
So why my tears?
Because he was suppose to be a loving brother to me
My mothers best friends son
A playmate, a caregiver when they partied
Not the thief of my innocence or the liar of my virtue
My tears marked the emotional bondage to an abuser 
a devastating mix of love and hate 
not uncommon
Now it’s over, he can’t taunt me from the grave
All I have to do now is let it go and 


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