back to the start of silent consent

I was going there
with this post
but then I thought of all the people who would find out the private pain
and the family members who didn’t know will judge
and all the people who gave the demons to me to fight
will still not accept their part in it
and apologize

maybe I’m not ready to let go
because it feels so comfortable
holding it in
as an excuse
as a justification
a scar that tries to heal
but I won’t let it

am I ready to forgive
Him him him her and her
and me
the truth is I’ve lived half my life
not knowing that I could control what would greet me as I turned the corner to my street on my travel home after school
powerlessness and pride

I’m still a little afraid to let go of the fear I have  for him
I’m also relieved that he can’t hurt me with his eyes and curse me with his lips
not anymore
I still procrastinate (fear)

if they all knew they would judge her
and I won’t have anyone talk bad about my Mama
I believe to my soul that good parents do the best they can at the time
the only rules in the book are the ones they make up
because each child is different and my Mamas rule book won’t work for you

get ready
I will release it
and I will be free

Next Blog: cards and corner


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